Last summer, right after we moved to Lubbock, I found this blog post (please read this before continuing). It really hit home with both Kyle and myself. While it is about traveling abroad, it really is the same way about living in another state and coming back--or so it felt that way to us.
We always knew that living in Lubbock, or Texas for that matter, was a limited thing. There were no long term plans to establish roots here because living further north was where we felt we belonged.
Leaving Texas and moving to Tennessee was one of the hardest things we have ever done. Exciting, yes, but definitely hard. Not being close to family and friends was definitely an adjustment. However, during those three years, we changed. We changed in so many ways. Some of those changes were pretty evident the first time we returned to Texas for a visit and some didn't creep out until we moved back to Texas. I don't think we truly realized how much we had changed until we moved to Lubbock. We also realized that everyone we knew in Texas hadn't changed or not like we had expected. As in the blog post referenced above, it was as if we came back and picked up where we left off. Except we couldn't do that because we are not the same people we were when we left.
When we announced we were coming back to Texas, everyone was so overjoyed--except us. Taryne and Hayden protested more than I ever anticipated. And to this day, not a day goes by where they don't ask to move away. We hid our anxiety and nervousness about moving back because everyone was so glad we were going to be back in Texas. I have no idea how many times we have been asked "Are you happy to be coming back?" or "Are you glad you are back?". Depending on who we are talking with we either faked our answer and quietly say "Yes" or we tell them our real feelings which is a resounding "NO". Kyle and I discussed this and decided we should give Texas another try. We can honestly say that we tried harder than we expected, but we don't like living in Texas. We don't necessarily hate Texas; it is just not the right fit for us and who we are and how who we as individuals and a family have evolved into over the past 5 years.
This year has been one of the hardest for all of us. Kyle and myself both have anxiety severe enough that medication is required. Even during the stress of moving out of state and a doctoral program did not cause the amount of stress, anxiety and even slight depression we have experienced since moving to Lubbock. In addition, all of us have experienced more allergy issues than we ever anticipated. Poor Hayden sneezes like I do (20-30 times per day) and even Kyle and Taryne who have barely any allergy issues, both suffer from congestion, cough and sneezing. I won't even start on my issues except to say that my sinus pressure has been so bad since we got here that my face hurts when I talk. Our health is a huge concern for us and we have literally been "sick" since we arrived. I refuse to dope ourselves up on loads of medication to "deal with it".
I think it was pretty telling when Taryne commented one day "Mom, why do we have to live here when we still hardly see our family? Why can't we live some place we really like instead?". It truly makes me sad--and has contributed to my anxiety--the stress and mild depression I see in Taryne and Hayden since we moved here. The have protested and continue to protest this place. I can't count the number of times they have stated the people here are not as friendly or nice as the people in Ohio or Tennessee. Kids say the darnedest things, right? Kids are brutally honest and very aware. We have not experienced what I would have expected from the "Friendliest Town in the USA" per the billboards around town.
We (and I mean all four of us) miss trees, green, and seasons. We miss being in places where education is important to elected officials. There are some amazing teachers in Texas but we feel the resources are not there along with the regulations that allow them to do the best job possible. We miss being "different" and what I mean by this is that we are the people from somewhere else. It always makes me sad when I tell people we moved here from Ohio and they seem to feel bad for me that I lived in Ohio. I am not sure why. We miss having exciting new adventures. Lubbock is in the middle of nowhere and to get to any place exciting requires at least a three hour drive. We miss feeling healthy. We still eat healthy, organic foods (which are harder to get here) but since we have been here, we just feel yuck all the time. We can smell chemicals in the air many days and no longer go on outside walks because of it.
Initially we had planned to try to live here until I was able to earn tenure and then wait for a position to open at Tennessee, but the closer the move to Texas date arrived, our projected window of time here shortened. We were already dreading our decision to move, but we made a commitment and we planned to give it a go. In December, a colleague at another school contacted me regarding a position that was to come open. He indicated that he wanted me to be part of the faculty there and that I would be an excellent addition to the department. I looked into the school and department and it was a good fit. I research sport tourism and the sport management department was in the College of Hospitality and Tourism--perfect fit. And the location was pretty amazing. I was assured at the time that if I was interested, I would most likely be the top candidate. Human resources departments are often slow. So, while waiting for the position to open, my friend gave my CV to the dean and provost. They were ready to hire me. Once the position opened, I applied and visited campus. I was eventually offered the position and have accepted. This summer we are moving to Buffalo/Niagara Falls, New York. Niagara University is a small, private, liberal arts school. They are Division I in the NCAA without football.
We weren't sure how to break the news since everyone but us was excited about where we were living. Kyle and I also wanted you guys to understand the why behind all of this. We have changed. We are not the same people we were in 2012 when we left College Station. We have experienced life outside of Texas and in our opinion, it is much better and a better fit for us. We hope you will be happy for us but understand you will be mad, upset, frustrated, hurt and several other emotions, but we have decided that we have to do what is best for our family--Kyle, myself, Taryne and Hayden--not simply what someone else wants or thinks we need to do.
We love you all to the moon and back.
--Kyle, Cheryl, Taryne and Hayden
No comments:
Post a Comment